Weekend Spirit Message, 4-6 Nov 2016: Break free into Love.

This Saturday, loving and harmonious Venus forms a trine with iconoclastic Uranus. It’s a great time to contemplate: what holds us back from being more loving individuals, and what can we do to become more nurturing, caring, (com)passionate versions of ourselves?

As always, we begin with ourselves. Have we been too hard on ourselves lately? Too many late nights at the office? Stress-eating? Stuck in negativity, self-criticism and pessimism? Let this weekend be a time of honesty with ourselves, discovering what causes us to resort to self-defeating habits, and gently releasing them whilst incorporating more self-love rituals into our lives.

If you’re single and you’ve been harbouring sweet, sweet feelings for a special someone in your life, consider what holds you back from making an approach. Are you afraid of rejection? Then start as friends. It never hurts to make hints, either (unless your honey is the oblivious sort, teehee!). The braver souls amongst us might want to ride on Uranus’s heady energies and make a proclamation of love (or at least, like!). If you’re attached, inject some heady new passion into your time with your significant other. This is a great time to explore new hobbies and activities together, or check into a nice lil’ hotel for staycation fun times. Heh heh.

Romance aside, Venus also rules partnerships and interpersonal ties. This weekend is a great time to do something different for the people in your life who need some lovin’. Or even other people (and other sentient beings like animals) in general – Uranus encourages us to break out of our own comfort zones, after all – and do something for the greater good. There are tons of charities out there that would appreciate your assistance and support. Free this weekend to help out at the local animal shelter or old folks’ home? Why not? You may be pleasantly surprised at the good vibes you get from sending love to others.

The Universal Law of Karma essentially states that you get what you give. Time to break out of the old and into a new, loving you. You’re a gift, with so much to offer to this world; don’t just keep yourself to yourself, give your love away. And as you bless others with your love, so too will you be blessed with love. Karma guarantees it. <3

Have a wonderful weekend, all!

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Seeking to break free and connect with the love of Spirit? Please call, text or WhatsApp Kelly at +65 8716 9716, or email hello@kellylightworker.com and we’ll arrange a consultation that best suits your needs.

Healing the inner child, Part 2: 7 signs of a wounded inner child.

(Click here for the first article.)

Do you remember how it felt to be a child? Some of you recall happy and stable childhoods where you were loved and nurtured. Some of you remember feeling smothered, knowing that you were loved but vaguely unsure of why it made you unhappy. Some of you barely felt loved at all. And sadly, some remember being neglected or actively abused.

Many of my clients who come to me with seemingly insurmountable challenges in their lives, more often than not, realise during their consultations with me that their current problems are rooted in events and situations that occurred when they were young. Wounded as children and told to Get over it, Stop crying or I’ll hit you again, or Sit down and shut up, we did as we were told in order to avoid further mistreatment. But deep inside us, our inner child never healed from unresolved hurts.

How do wounded children behave? We’ve all seen young children tripping, falling over, and screaming their lungs out. We’ve seen frightened kids freeze, wet their pants, hurt themselves, hit other kids. Wounded children express their pain to the world in the hope that someone will help.

It doesn’t matter what age you are now. If your inner child has been wounded and left unhealed, you will tend to revert to certain actions, attitudes and behaviours that reveal that inner child’s vulnerability. You may have grown, but that inner child is still right there, deep inside you. Waiting for love, help and comfort. And in times of stress, that wounded inner child comes out and hijacks the show, no matter how well you’ve been running it.

The young man who fights with his boss – who resembles his own father. The middle-aged woman who can’t trust men, then hates herself for being single. The young woman whose eating disorders have taken over her life.

There is no one whose inner child is completely unhurt; in this beautiful but broken world of ours, there are only degrees of hurting, and degrees of healing. What is important is that we recognise when our inner child calls to us for healing, and that we respond.

And that’s where the challenge lies for many of us. We’re so well-conditioned to rationalise our childhood experiences, to suppress our negative emotions, that even when Spirit lovingly reveals to some of my clients that they have inner-child issues to deal with, they resist.

“Oh, that can’t be me. I’m strong now.”
“That was such a long time ago.”
“I’ve forgotten. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Healing can only begin when we see and recognise the wounds. Here are seven signs of a wounded inner child that I’ve noted, both from my own personal experience as well as my professional encounters with close to a thousand clients. You may or may not find that these signs resonate with what you’re going through. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” definition for this, but you might find this list useful. Here we go:

1. Playing roles + wearing masks to hide your true Self.
Do you find that you’re a very different person around different people, almost as if you were playing roles to please other people, get the job done, meet your own objectives etc? And that if you were asked to strip away all those roles you play and masks you put on to get through the day, you might not know who lies beneath that elaborate masquerade? This is frequently a response to parental or familial pressure for us to live, look or behave a certain way in order to gain approval. For instance, many closeted LGBT people I meet (especially those from conservative or religious family backgrounds) struggle with this.

2. Weariness.
I’m not talking about the usual tiredness or stress from work or life’s issues. I’m talking about a deep, deep weariness in your soul that just won’t go away no matter what you try. It’s an exhausting task to keep those masks on. And even if you don’t feel that you’re wearing a mask and you are living a life that’s true to your real Self, remember that an untreated wound can still drain your life energy. With this weariness frequently comes a chronic boredom – you can’t muster any strong sense of purpose or passion for life, and deep down you suspect sometimes that you’re just drifting listlessly with the tide.

3. An unstable approach to guilt and shame.
Just to clarify: guilt is a response to what you’ve done: I did something wrong. Shame is a response to who you are: Something is wrong with me. People whose inner children are severely wounded cannot draw a clear line between guilt and shame. It’s all black-and-white for them. When something negative happens, they either take on all the blame and condemn themselves in the process (a client once told me, to my horror, Yes it’s my fault for [a minor mistake she made at work], I’m s**t and I have a talent for f**king up!), or they reject responsibility completely because their inner child is terrified of being blamed and possibly punished: enter the finger-pointing and mud-slinging. Wounded inner children tend to over-react and “take it personally” when things go wrong, and find it difficult to separate people from issues when solving a dispute.

4. Stuck in a time warp of excessive worrying.
Wounded inner children have lost all sense of time because their attention is focused almost entirely on their wounds. To them, the next catastrophe is just around the corner, and as children, they feel powerless to stop it. Never mind if they’re already adults, their lives are going well and the feared crisis doesn’t happen. The wounded inner child cannot differentiate perception from reality, and therefore can never be at peace. It goes without saying that the wounded inner child never truly lives in the present, but is either fretting about something that happened in the past or anxious about what might happen in the future – or, frequently, both.

5. Inability to trust and/or discern who can be trusted.
Another characteristic of people with wounded inner children is that their relationship networks are inadequate. Either they don’t have friends, their friendships are superficial, or they’re surrounded by frenemies – people who can’t actually be trusted and don’t have their interests at heart. Wounded inner children frequently find themselves also stuck in co-dependent romantic relationships (or disturbingly intense “friendships”) which are not grounded in respectful, loving give-and-take, but rooted in an overwhelming fear of loneliness and a tendency to become overly attached. It’s extremely common, by the way.

6. Distorted perceptions of reality.
Life feels like one long thunderstorm with occasional bursts of sunshine. You live for those moments of peace and happiness; once those precious moments are threatened, you plunge straight into the depths again. I once spoke with a beautiful young woman who needed reassurance about her new love relationship. During our conversation, she become highly emotional and began weeping, saying things like I knew it, I knew this was too good to be true, my boyfriend is leaving me, I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up… I was alarmed to hear that. When I asked what had happened, she told me that her boyfriend had a severe migraine once and had to go home early from a date. That was enough to convince her that her relationship was over and she had no reason to live! (By the way, I know the boyfriend personally. He loves her to bits and wants to marry her.) Sounds crazy? Perhaps, but anyone would go “crazy” from the pain if their inner children were wounded for so long and never had the chance to heal.

7. Difficulty connecting with oneself, others, Spirit or the Universe.
As I mentioned earlier, wounded inner children cannot focus on anything else other than their pain. Whether consciously or unconsciously, their efforts are spent almost entirely on trying to heal, suppress, or rationalise their hurt feelings. Consequently, it’s hard for them to know what they’re really feeling, to empathise with other people, or to connect with a Higher Power. It’s hard to believe that Spirit and the Universe love you when you can’t even love yourself, after all. By the way, this applies even to spiritual people and light workers. I’ve found that sometimes, the hardest nuts to crack (to put it bluntly) are the people who have psychic gifts and who may even be practitioners. They inevitably hit a roadblock in their spiritual development and wonder why they’re not going anywhere, no matter what they do.

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Now let’s be clear: many of these points can also be explained with other reasons such as intense stress, personality quirks etc. But if many of these points are resonating with you, perhaps it’s time to take a step back and ask yourself if something’s up with your inner child. Last week, I spoke about the importance of being honest with ourselves. I’d like to add that it’s also crucial to be kind to ourselves; maybe that’s our homework for this week, haha! 😀

And next week, I’ll be talking about ways to heal the inner child.

Always remember (even if you’re not feeling it) that you are loved and not alone. This is a broken but beautiful world. Nothing is impossible, and your inner child can be healed. The Universe is kind, and Spirit loves you! Only believe! <3

Bless,
Kelly

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Seeking to connect and heal with Spirit? Please call, text or WhatsApp Kelly at +65 8716 9716, or email hello@kellylightworker.com and we’ll arrange a consultation that best suits your needs.

The stories on this website (including the above recounts) are based on Kelly’s experiences as a lightworker. Some details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved.

Heal your inner child. Start by being honest with yourself, Part 1.

He sat across the table from me, an advertising executive in his early thirties whose childhood was “ruined”, as he called it, by his abusive father.

While I didn’t deny that, based on the stories he told me, his father was a nasty piece of work, I was somewhat amused by the fact that he didn’t seem to notice that he was behaving in a very similar manner.

The condescending air. The fake Australian accent. The smug disdain towards waiters and other people he assumed were “inferior” to him – including myself.

One of his first questions to me was, “Do you have a proper job at all?”

He kept interrupting throughout the reading. It was very difficult for Spirit to get any messages through when I’d start my sentence and be cut off with a “Yeah, actually I know that already…” in a nasal, whiny drawl.

His family was well-off enough that he didn’t need to worry about getting his needs met, but his acrimonious relationship with his father made him an insecure, miserable person (and frankly, a pain in the backside). I was relieved when the reading ended.

Unfortunately, he started texting and calling me almost everyday for about two months. One symptom of an unhealed inner child is a tendency to cling to people who show kindness, especially if the person is older and/or perceived to be in a position of authority. Mostly it was to talk about himself, how awesome he was, how pathetic everyone else was, and how come nobody in this world seemed to appreciate his greatness.

Finally, I lovingly but firmly told him that he needed to heal cut off all ties with him after he was incredibly rude to another client of mine because, in his words, he liked being “possessive” of me. I blocked him on my phone, e-mail and all social media platforms.

Did I give him chances to change? Yes, many. Did I tell him that he needed to heal and perhaps get professional help? Yes, several times. Did he ignore me and continue to disrespect my wishes, while clinging on to me like a parasite until I disposed of him? Yep.

Is this common? YES.

And this is the danger of indulging an unhealed inner child. You may have suffered terribly (or think you’ve suffered terribly) in your younger years, and my heart goes out to you if that’s truly happened. But you don’t automatically get the right to behave like an idiot, hurt and leech off the people around you (emotionally, financially or otherwise), then bawl and cry victim when you’re called out on your bullsh*t.

Sounds harsh? I don’t mean to hurt anyone. But I’m speaking out because I understand the importance of truly healing the wounded inner child. Wordsworth once famously said that The child is the father of the man, and it’s true. Psychological research indicates that most of our personalities and ways of engaging with the world are fixed by the time we reach the age of four. Factors that influence us at that tender age include our genetics, family dynamics, environment, diet, and a whole range of other elements – many beyond our control.

If you think your inner child is wounded and needs healing (I’ll discuss more of that in next week’s post), it’s far more productive to take steps to heal, rather than lash out and hurt the people around you – then wonder why you’re stuck in dysfunctional patterns of relating with people, and why no one wants to be around you.

Now let’s get this clear. I’m creating this post not to condemn, but to reach out and help. Sometimes clarity hurts, but the first step to healing is recognising that you’re wounded in the first place. Universal energies this week seem to be pointing us in the direction of honest, intense, emotional inner work, and if this resonates with you, that’s wonderful. Know that the Universe is kind and Spirit is on your side, cheering you on and ever willing to help once you ask.

Understand that healing entails being kind to yourself. And the ultimate kindness you can offer yourself is honesty.

You can do this. Be brave… and be blessed. <3

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Planning a wedding? This Saturday 22 Oct from 12-4 pm, come on down to Your Wedding Story, a bridal event organised by Hotel Jen Tanglin and Singapore Brides! And get a reading as well! I’ll be offering Angel/oracle card readings AND, *drumroll* introducing my BFF and fellow psychic, Steve! He’s offering readings with me. Folks, this is the guy I consult when I need a reading – Steve is GIFTED! 

Click on this link HERE for more!
And if you’re wondering what Steve looks like, here’s our promotional pic for this event:

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See you there! 

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Seeking to connect and heal with Spirit? Please call, text or WhatsApp Kelly at +65 8716 9716, or email hello@kellylightworker.com and we’ll arrange a consultation that best suits your needs.

The stories on this website (including the above recounts) are based on Kelly’s experiences as a lightworker. Some details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved.