Healing The Inner Child, Part 3: 6 steps to healing.

(Click here for the first article on being honest with your inner child.)
(Click here for the second article on how to recognise a wounded inner child.)

In this article, we explore some ways to heal the inner child. As I’ve mentioned in previous articles (see above), living in a beautiful but broken world pretty much guarantees that everyone has some degree of inner-child wounding. If your inner child is wounded, you are normal and you have nothing to fear. Healing is possible as far as we allow it to happen. So it’s all good. <3

The main characteristic of a child is dependence. A child depends on parents or primary caregivers in order to survive, to thrive and develop a stable, functional sense of Self with which to face the world. This is why people with wounded inner children tend to swing between extremes of pushing family, friends and loved ones away, or pulling and clinging onto them. Confused and chaotic relationships result, bringing misery to everyone.

Children need parents. It’s as simple as that. Wounded inner children especially need to feel that they are unconditionally loved by another human being. Here’s the good news: healing the inner child with unconditional love is possible. Here’s even better news: you’re by far the best person for the job. To heal your inner child, YOU will need to become your own parent.

Healing is possible as far as we allow it to happen. To heal your inner child, YOU will need to become your own parent.

Here are 6 steps to take towards healing your wounded inner child. Here we go! 🙂

1. Come out and play.
Remember how you were like as a child: your likes, your dislikes, the many adorable quirks that make you, you. What activities did you like to do? Go do ’em. It could be blowing bubbles on a breezy evening, building sandcastles, making up silly songs and singing them aloud (I do that a lot, lol!). If you’re embarrassed, that’s just your ego and/or internalised critic talking. Ignore them. Focus on having fun. This is necessary in order to create a safe environment for our inner child sub-personality to express themselves and develop a trusting relationship with our adult personality, where their needs and emotions are validated.

2. Be ready and willing to re-connect.
While processing childhood memories and engaging in childhood activities, remember that intention is key. This is a Spiritual Law that’s also reflected in the physical world around us. Re-connect with your inner child with the intention to love, accept, and heal. Be mindful that you are approaching a very pure and beautiful part of your Soul, one that you might not have connected with for a long time. Approach your inner-child healing with a sense of dread, shame or hastiness (by that I mean a sense of Let’s get this done and over with) and, more likely than not, you’ll find your inner child running away from you instead. You might need patience before the inner child does decide to come out and play with you – but you’ll know when it happens.

3. Brace + Embrace yourself.
When the inner child trusts you enough to reveal himself or herself to you, you’ll know. It starts with fleeting moments of emotion, or vague childhood flashbacks that seem to come out of nowhere. That’s your inner child beginning to communicate with you. Honour these sacred moments. Don’t over-think; experience, then release them. If those memories, thoughts and emotions are important enough, your inner child will remind you.

As I said earlier, if your inner-child work is beginning to make inroads, you’ll know. That’s when you’ll have to brace yourselfno running away, no denying or suppressing, no rationalising or finger-pointing – because the wounds are going to re-open so you can clean out the gunk and heal them.

Some of those wounds are going to hurt like hell. You might experience the following: shock, anger, sorrow, grief, remorse, regret, disgust, loneliness… just to name a few.

And that is when you’re going to become your own parent.

That’s when you embrace your inner child and let that pure spark in your Soul cry its little lungs out. No judgement, no condemnation and most importantly no rationalisation at this stage: trying to “fix” negative emotions with logic only worsens the injury by invalidating how your inner child felt, undoing the hard work of getting your inner child to trust you.

Enraged with your grandmother for passing on, despite promising you that she would fight her illness? Hated your parents for preferring your brother over you? Horrified that you were molested by a trusted family friend and couldn’t tell anyone? Felt (or feeling) completely misunderstood, alone, and lost?

Release the toxicity that has been brewing in forgotten corners of your Soul for so long. Let it all out. Then do this next step:

4. Forgive.
The first and most important person you need to forgive is yourself. All of you. Know and understand that despite all your feelings, your mistakes and flaws, both the current you and your inner child, you are still deserving of love.

The extent to which you are willing to forgive those who have hurt you depends on many factors, and ultimately is your decision to make. But remember that the act of forgiveness does NOT excuse, validate or justify what those people did – especially if we’re talking about acts of abuse. Choosing to forgive people who hurt you is more for your own benefit than anyone else’s. It releases you from the shackles of remembering and holding on to the pain of the past. It’s up to you. Take it at your own pace, and remember you are still loved.

5. Live mindfully.
Mindfulness refers to being self-aware, self-loving and self-accepting. It requires a certain focus and discipline in choosing to release negative mindsets, values and/or emotions, and consciously choosing new, more positive ones. For instance, after you have embraced your anger at your parents’ preferential treatment of your siblings and forgiven them, make the conscious choice of re-perceiving your parents with compassion: as people with wounded inner children themselves who didn’t know better. Again, I’m not asking you to make excuses for them – you don’t have to. But taking a mindful approach to yourself and other people can do wonders for your own healing.

Another (often overlooked) part of mindful living involves the aspect of physical care. Proper rest, diet and exercise are in order. Do make positive, practical changes to your lifestyle as part of your inner-child healing! You’ll be so glad you did.

6. Seek assistance.
You don’t have to do all this by yourself. Seek a support network if necessary. Time to rely on trusted family members, friends and loved ones. Speak to a therapist or counsellor and learn new stress management methods or conflict resolution techniques. On a more holistic front, consider a healing consultation with a holistic health professional or Spirit worker. What is important is that you choose the people and the methods that you feel comfortable with. You are not alone!

In closing, I’d like to share a song called ‘Glósóli’ by a band called Sigur Ros. This song and video are heartbreakingly beautiful, and the theme is about childhood and our inner child. Watch to the end (there’s a lot to learn from this video), and get those tissues ready.

And as you’re watching, do ask yourself:
Which inner child am I like in this video?
Which inner child do I want to become?

May your journey towards inner-child healing and wholeness be blessed by Spirit and the Universe. You’re going to be just fine. Love you all. <3

Kelly

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Seeking to connect and heal with Spirit? Please call, text or WhatsApp Kelly at +65 8716 9716, or email hello@kellylightworker.com and we’ll arrange a consultation that best suits your needs.

Weekend Spirit Message, 29-30 Oct 2016: Break free from secrets and restraints.

I’m writing this post at the front foyer of a cosy little holiday villa in the heart of rural Ubud, a town in Bali, Indonesia. We had a long and wonderful day today, re-connecting with nature and visiting some spiritual sites. It’s almost 10 pm now. The crickets are singing, the owls swoop past silently on their nightly hunts, the breeze is refreshing and slightly chilly as it crosses over the rice paddy fields right outside my door.

The night sky is filled with stars but I can’t actually see the moon right now, for a very simple reason: it’s a New Moon this Sunday 30 October. This New Moon in Scorpio brings with it incredible transformative power, because Scorpio is the sign that tends to be associated with secrecy, and as many of us know, it’s the things we keep secret – the things no one talks about – that can hold great (and sometimes terrible) power over us.

It’s the things we keep secret – the things no one talks about – that can hold great (and sometimes terrible) power over us.

This weekend, ask yourself what holds you back, shuts you up, ties you down, and restrains you from reaching your full potential. New Moons bring with them the energy of new beginnings. Perhaps it’s time to identify your glass ceilings, hidden traps, and invisible shackles – and release yourself from them. Break free from habits, relationships, and situations that no longer serve your highest good, but that you never dared to confront before.

This New Moon is closely situated to Mercury, the planet of communication. Folks, the message is clear: break free from your secret bondages with the assistance of others. Don’t be a stranger! Be courageous: share the unspoken issues that trouble you with people you can trust, or find a support network to assist you as you transform, liberating yourself from the bondage of your secret or suppressed concerns to attain the best life you are meant to lead.

Let this Sunday begin a season of change, rebirth, and new growth. The Full Moon in Scorpio falls on 10 May 2017, concluding this season of transformation. It may not be the easiest time, but it is for the best. You’ve got this.

Have a great weekend ahead! <3

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Seeking to connect and heal with Spirit? Please call, text or WhatsApp Kelly at +65 8716 9716, or email hello@kellylightworker.com and we’ll arrange a consultation that best suits your needs.

Weekend Spirit Message, 15-16 Oct 2016: Let Your Light Shine.

This weekend, the full Moon + supermoon in Aries sets the stage for you to rise to the occasion. Full Moons encourage self-expression and release; Aries, a cardinal Fire sign, imbues us with the energies of the trailblazer and the asskicker.

Have an opinion? Speak up. Got a great business idea? Consult trusted partners and potential investors. Tired of toxic frenemies and not-so-sweethearts? It’s time for The Talk and possibly a breakup or two… but see these as break AWAYS from a bad situation to freedom, a brighter future, and a happier you.

Aries is the sign of courage, and in the Libra season (the season of partnerships) we are assured more than ever that there are people who have our backs, and we are not alone. So be brave. May the fire in your soul rise to the occasion and light your way.  Have a wonderful weekend!

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Seeking to connect with Spirit? Please call, text or WhatsApp Kelly at +65 8716 9716, or email hello@kellylightworker.com and we’ll arrange a consultation that best suits your needs.

How our loved ones in Spirit visit us, Part 2.

I’ve known June for about eleven years now. She owns a pet shop and a pet grooming service. Also, June is an independent community cat feeder, as well as an animal rescuer and foster. She was one of the first few people who came to my aid with advice and support when I picked up my first two animal rescues (two newborn kittens tied up in a plastic bag and thrown in a rubbish chute, whom I named Pip and Doe).

As you can guess, June has many animal companions, both living and deceased. She’s also not a huge believer in Spirit, so I don’t impose my beliefs on her by talking about the animal spirits I see in her shop – many of them her own deceased pets or rescues, crossing back over the Rainbow Bridge for a little while to visit her and send her love.

So I was surprised when June brought up the topic of deceased loved pets returning from the Light to visit.

“I believe they come back to visit. Usually as insects, really interesting looking ones. Here, have a look.” June took out her smartphone and began showing us pictures of brilliantly coloured butterflies and beetles, a moth with perfectly transparent gossamer wings, and a humongous grasshopper with its lower left hind leg missing.

“They all appeared within days of my animals passing on. The grasshopper’s story is really touching. A few days before, I rescued a large golden retriever that had been abused and abandoned. His left hind leg had been crushed by something heavy, and it was gangrenous. The vets had to amputate immediately at the knee joint to save his life. He survived the operation, but passed on the next day.

“We were heartbroken. Then on the seventh day of his passing, my assistant groomer saw this grasshopper perched at the front door of the shop. She took a photo, and it was only then that we realised it was missing a limb too. I think that dear dog wanted to come back to say thank you, and to let us know he’s fine now.

“So if you’re talking about whether animals have spirits and whether they come back to visit, I definitely can say now that I believe. There’s just too much proof not to believe.”

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I often get asked by friends and clients how to notice the signs when their deceased loved ones return. Sometimes I’m also asked by grieving clients if I can invoke or summon them to appear at a mediumship session.

My response to invoking or summoning spirits, especially when the spirit is recently deceased and the bereaved person is asking from a place of desperate grief and sorrow, is No. It’s a bad idea.

When people and/or animals pass on, they undergo a process when their souls make a transition, leaving the physical body to move into the Light. There, they essentially start all over again: accepting and healing after the fact of their deaths, and learning how to function as Spirit without physical constraints such as space, time, the need to eat or sleep, etc.

They also get acquainted with an entirely new and different ecosystem. There is a lot to learn, especially if these souls weren’t believers when they were alive. Imagine having to get up to speed on Angels, elementals, earthbound spirits, entities, ley lines, Universal energies… you get the idea. And I haven’t even started on the Life Review yet!

So rushing a newly deceased Spirit to come back and visit you when they’re still handling so much on their end does not make for a good Spiritual connection. Two scenarios are likely to arise – I’m sharing them based on what I’ve learnt, observed and experienced:

  • The Spirit does turn up, but he/she is busy, distracted and possibly still traumatised from the transition process. Consequently, the messages aren’t clear and the connection isn’t strong or meaningful, disappointing everyone involved.
  • A slightly more risky outcome is this: an imposter appears. Sometimes, earthbound spirits, mischievous elementals or negative entities appear and pretend to be the deceased loved one. Their intentions usually are self-serving, sometimes even malicious, and rarely – if ever – benefit the living.

Some months back, I had to deal with a client who insisted on contacting her friend who had committed suicide less than 48 hours earlier. I had to keep explaining to her, over and over again, as patiently and clearly as I could, that the time wasn’t right for a connection. In response, her rude, sulky replies and passive-aggressive tantrums were pretty awful, and convinced me that her intentions for connecting with her recently deceased friend were more about self-entitlement than genuine concern.

As much as I understand that people who grieve for their deceased loved ones desire re-connection and closure, we can’t simply conjure Spirit for our own objectives. Here’s a way to connect with the Spirits of deceased loved ones without stressing them out or compromising your own safety:

  1. Pray. Prayer, when spoken from the truest depths of one’s heart and soul, is indescribably powerful. It doesn’t matter if you have a religion or not. If you don’t know whom to address your prayer to, just speak in your heart and mind to the Universe. Pour your heart out. Tell the Universe and Spirit how much you miss those persons and/or pets – they’re listening, and giving you love in any way they can.
  2. If you want to be specific in prayer, ask Archangel Michael (upholder of God’s truth), Archangel Raphael (guardian of healing), Archangel Gabriel (who specialises in emotional healing and communication), and/or Archangel Uriel (guardian of the earthly realm – he can help with deceased pets) for their assistance. Again, you don’t need a religion to connect with Angels and Archangels – they love you and are willing to help so long as you ask!
  3. When you pray, request with love and respect to the Universe for the Spirits of your deceased loved ones to connect with you at a time and in a way that is appropriate, for the greatest and highest good of all. Pray in faith, trusting that the Universe hears the cry of your heart, and that Spirit will do whatever it takes to make it happen.
  4. If you wish, you can ask for signs. Simple signs like a favourite song or scent, a dream, finding feathers or coins, or seeing a certain animal would be possible for a newly deceased Spirit to accomplish. Bear in mind that the final call is theirs to make, and keep your heart, mind and eyes open for their response.
  5. Be patient. In my experience with my own deceased loved ones, I’ve had some return to visit within hours of their passing, but I’ve also had one beloved soul who took 14 years to see me!

Some thoughts to round up this topic (for now):

Grief can feel like abandonment. Even when our minds tell us it’s inevitable for people and pets to pass on, our hearts and souls feel forsaken and rejected. That’s why grief hurts so horribly.

My heart goes out to you if you are currently experiencing a loss of a loved one. My comfort to you is this: think of death as your loved one leaving you, but only for a little while, to a faraway country where they must acclimatise before they can return to visit. And visit, they will.

May Universal Love, God’s Light, and every Spiritual blessing be with you.
Bless, Kelly <3

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Seeking to connect and heal with Spirit? Please call, text or WhatsApp Kelly at +65 8716 9716, or email hello@kellylightworker.com and we’ll arrange a consultation that best suits your needs.

The stories on this website (including the above recounts) are based on Kelly’s experiences as a lightworker. Some details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved.

How our loved ones in Spirit visit us, Part 1.

My paternal grandfather died when I was 13 or 14. We weren’t close; in fact, Grandpa had been estranged from the family for some time. When he finally did pass on, it was relief I sensed from my father and paternal relatives – not grief. Even my youngest aunt, who was his favourite child, didn’t cry that much during the wake.

A few days after the funeral, we woke up one morning to find a large grey moth perched at our front door. Its wings at rest measured roughly eight inches across, and it was big enough that our neighbours from across the street noticed.

We’re an ethnic Chinese family; our cultural traditions dictate that butterflies and moths are carriers of Spirit, and should one enter a house within a week after the death of a family member, it is to be respected as if the deceased relative had returned to visit.

“Grandpa’s back,” my mother whispered to me as we gawked at our visitor from a respectful distance. “Don’t disturb him. He’s watching over us, just to make sure we’re alright before he crosses over.”

The moth stayed at our front door for seven days. Imagine opening and closing a door with that huge insect a couple of inches from your face – If this is Grandpa watching over us, he’s definitely making up for lost time now, I thought to myself.

After the seventh day, the moth disappeared and never returned.

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“He died last year. We’ve been waiting and keeping our eyes open for a sign, but… nothing. Could you please help me tune in to see if Daddy’s okay?”

The young woman across the table helpfully took out her mobile phone. “I can show you a picture of him if you’d like.”

– Sure, Charlene, that might be usef… No. It’s okay.

“… Kelly, you’re pale all of a sudden. Are you alright?”

When a deceased loved one appears, sometimes they validate their identity by sharing details of their death. Charlene’s father was making me experience a few moments of his passing by cardiac arrest. The excruciating, stabbing pain in my chest had caught me off-guard, leaving me gasping and reeling in shock. Soon after, a throbbing discomfort and metallic taste in my mouth told me that he’d probably bitten his tongue at some point until he bled.

Through a haze of pain, I looked up and glared discreetly at the spirit of the middle-aged man standing behind Charlene’s right shoulder.

(– Tone it down… hurts like hell.)
Oh sorry! I’ll stop it now, he replied, hands flailing apologetically.

Instantly, the torment ceased; with relief came clarity and a message.

– Charlene, your father wants you to know he’s fine. Also, he says he’s on his way with a sign.

Charlene nodded and shut her eyes tightly. “I hope so. I really do.”

The next morning, I woke up to a text with a picture of a brightly-coloured bird on a study table. The message read: “This little guy flew into my room last night and stayed for a few hours. It felt like how my dad used to come into my room and chat with me when he got home from work. Amazing!”

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Many times, I’m asked by friends and clients if their deceased loved ones are doing well on the other side, and if they return to visit. This question is especially important for people whose belief systems teach them that the dead cannot and should not interact with the living.

Whatever deep and complex emotions they feel about their loved one’s passing is further complicated by powerful reactions such as fear (“if I keep missing them, I’ll hold them back from reincarnating or moving on”), guilt (“Connecting with the dead is the sin of witchcraft and I’ll be punished”), and regret (“I should’ve could’ve would’ve when they were still alive, but now it’s too late”).

Listen up, dear one, and know this: Love is stronger than death. Our souls are eternal; the song of true love can never be silenced by the grave.

Our deceased loved ones definitely return to visit us when they can. Many times, they also make it a point to leave signs that they’ve been hanging out with us. How they return, and what signs they use to communicate with us, depends on many factors including:

  • Cultural traditions and beliefs: For example, the Chinese believe that butterflies carry the spirits of the dead and the deceased loved one might choose that form since it’s a familiar symbol
  • The deceased loved one’s personal preferences: a deceased bird lover might return in the form of a beautiful bird
  • Our personal (or shared) preferences: a deceased loved one might play a song on the radio you love, or that you both loved.

Our job is to keep our hearts and minds open to the myriad ways our deceased loved ones reach out to us, and to maintain a mindset of gratitude for having known and loved our deceased loved ones. Gratitude opens doors like you can’t imagine. 🙂

You are accepted, cherished, and embraced by love – something that death can never overcome. Dear one, you are loved. And that’s something to be thankful for, every single day. <3

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Seeking to connect with Spirit? Please call, text or WhatsApp Kelly at +65 8716 9716, or email hello@kellylightworker.com and we’ll arrange a consultation that best suits your needs.

The stories on this website (including the above recounts) are based on Kelly’s experiences as a lightworker. Some details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved.