If you walked in now,
I wouldn’t start, I wouldn’t frown.
And if you just appeared,
I wouldn’t cry, or think it weird.
‘Cause you are still around;
You’re in the air, you’re in the ground.
And you can’t go away;
I am afraid you’re here to stay.*
She woke up with a start.
Her clock read 3:30 am. Again. Her bedroom door, firmly shut when she went to bed three hours earlier, was wide open.
The fragrance of jasmine incense lingered in the air. Her grandmother would burn it every morning. Her grandmother passed away nine months ago.
She got out of bed and, as she shut the door, whispered into the darkness:
– We are well, grandma. Please don’t worry about us.
* * *
Friends don’t understand,
They close the door, they raise their hands.
She says she hears your voice;
Of course she does, she has no choice.
I was hours ahead when they removed you from your bed.
They drank all the wine, until you said goodbye.*
“I hope you can help me. Nobody understands. They think I’m going mad,” Alice said.
Seated at the dining table, I looked around Alice’s flat. It was lovely, except for the deeply painful energies of Alice’s grief that pervaded the entire space. And the spirit of the deceased corgi that sat beside us, love and anxiety clouding her beautiful little furry face as she looked at me pleadingly.
“Sasha’s cancer spread so fast. We did everything we could for her. I was begging her to give me more time to help her find a cure, the right treatment, the right supplements. Then one day she just collapsed. We rushed her to the vet, but she was dead on arrival.
“It’s been two months but I still sense her around me. My family and friends are starting to say I need a psychiatrist. They say I’m just imagining things. But I swear I sometimes see her at the corner of my eye. And I cry for her everyday. I can’t let go, I just can’t -”
Alice began sobbing.
A spirit corgi’s paw gently patted my toes. Help us, please, angel lady, little Sasha whispered.
– Alice, you’re not going mad. Sasha is here with us. But my concern is that Sasha did not go into the Light after her death because she was worried that you would miss her.
Alice nodded tearfully. “Yes. I was afraid that once she crossed over, I’d never see her again. I told her not to go. I can’t live without her. She’s my best friend, my soulmate.”
– You have nothing to fear, Alice. It is necessary for all souls to cross over into the Light after their physical bodies die. This is required for their healing. But death is not the end, only a door. Your deceased loved ones can and often do return to visit. Alice, Sasha loves you, but she’s very tired and needs to heal in heaven. You need to heal too, and the first step is for you to face your grief, and release Sasha into the Light. Will you let her cross over?
Alice stopped weeping. “Am I hindering her healing with my selfishness? Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Sasha, I’m so sorry…” Alice burst into a renewed fit of tears. My heart ached for them both.
– It’s fine, Alice. Now that you know, what do you choose?
“I choose to let go. Sasha deserves only the best… I love you, Sasha.”
I love you too, Mummy. And thank you, angel lady. I’ll be brave when I cross over. You’ll help me, won’t you?
True love gives us the courage, even in the depths of our despair, to do things we never would have thought possible. The bond between Alice and Sasha moved me deeply.
– I will do my best. I promise you both.
Later that night, I conducted a meditation where I invited Archangel Uriel, guardian of the earthly realm, to lead Sasha into the Light to receive her long-awaited healing. I also conducted a long-distance energy healing session for Alice, removing the dark energies of grief that were strangling her heart chakra, and filling her soul with divine love and light.
Healing from grief is a long process that requires time, patience and a lot of love to get through. Alice’s heart was broken, but I have faith that Alice and Sasha’s deep, abiding love for each other will stand the test of separation as they both heal. And one day, I am absolutely certain that Sasha will return to visit, and perhaps even watch over Alice as a spirit guide of Light.
* * *
Healthy in my dreams
Is what you are, is what it seems.
What does it all mean?
You’re only hiding behind a screen.
Curse the English day for what it forces us to say.
Banish all the pain;
‘Cause when I die, I’ll see you again.*
One of my best friends died this morning.
His death was completely unexpected. His caretakers had no idea – he was still conscious and responsive last night.
The last time I saw him was Sunday evening – two days ago. As we chatted, the phrase “one or two days more” kept flashing across my inner eye. But I chose to ignore it. Chose to deny it. Kept telling myself that he would get better.
But my gift was right, and I was wrong. Sometimes the gift can almost be a burden.
I rushed down once I got the text message, just in time to touch his cold face for the last time; to say goodbye to the physical shell that had endured so much suffering.
Death is not the end, only a door. True.
What’s also true is that the death of a loved one tears your soul apart like nothing else can.
I’m a lightworker. I channel Spirit. I see dead souls all the time. Of all people, I know pretty damn well that our deceased loved ones can and will return to visit us. We are not forsaken. We are not alone.
I know all this. But it hasn’t stopped me from crying for the past eight hours.
It doesn’t matter who you are – king or beggar, priest or prostitute, scientist or psychic medium – so long as you are alive, one day you will die. And in the course of your life, at least one person or pet you know (and perhaps love very much) will die, and your heart will break. This is the order of things. It is inescapable.
Yet we live our lives as if we were immortal, indestructible. And when Death finally touches us, we cry, we break down, we scream and look for someone to blame. As if Death were a big surprise – when the truth is that Death is only a matter of Time.
To everything in our lives, there is a season. Right now it’s the seventh lunar month, the season of remembrance and mourning for those who observe it.
My heart is with you all in this season of remembrance. Be kind to yourselves, and to each other. It’s what your loved ones in Spirit would desire for you.
Life is precious, and so very fragile. Be well.
* * * * *
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The stories on this website (including the above recount) are based on Kelly’s personal and professional experiences as a lightworker. Some details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved.
*Lyrics in italics taken from ‘When I Die’ by Lush (1994)