I met you the first time about a year ago. You came to me, distraught after the deaths of your best friend and your cousin within two weeks of each other. Their passing had shaken you to the core; Death woke you up and made you realise you didn’t want to be where you were in life. You were planning to make a major career change, and sought Spiritual insight into your decision.
The cards were encouraging and added one more piece of advice: If you really want to move forward, into your best life as co-creator of your highest destiny, ditch your boyfriend.
I was shocked at the cards – they’re not usually so blunt. I was even more shocked that you weren’t surprised at all.
Until you explained that you were lesbian.
“Kelly, I have big plans for my career and I can’t let this thing impede my potential,” you told me earnestly, as if your sexuality were a cancerous tumour. “He loves me, he’s a high-flyer himself, we make a good couple. He doesn’t know I’m gay. He doesn’t need to know. I’m fine. Everything’s okay.”
We met for another two Tarot consultations after that. Each time you arrived for your reading, I would notice your aura getting a little darker, your life force a little weaker. But that’s the price you pay for despising and hiding your true self, and if you choose self-deception and self-sabotage, the Universe will respect it.
We last met yesterday. Your face was haggard and grey – your life energy was critically low, and you were in denial about the fact that your soul had gone into self-destruction mode. You were late for the reading. I found your initial behaviour pompous, self-entitled and plain rude. It took you a while to let down your defences and become a faded, drained version of the sweet soul I used to know.
You were asking questions about your career, using phrases like How can I turn this to my advantage and What’s the takeaway from these cards, stock jargon that means absolutely nothing to your higher soul but that you mindlessly parrot because you have this deluded idea that successful people talk like that.
You deceased best friend was so concerned she popped up in the cards as the Queen of Rods – when you wanted to know the outcomes of working for another firm in the same industry – to say Stop, stop, what are you doing to yourself?
Your eyes filled with tears for a moment, then you suppressed them. “Everything’s okay,” you mumbled, gazing hopelessly at the Queen of Rods on the table. The hollow despair in your voice told me the exact opposite.
I don’t know if you will follow the advice given by the Tarot this time. It takes courage and honesty to see a counsellor and I’m not sure you have those qualities in you right now. As a human soul, you have been granted the gift of free will. You’re using this gift to pursue your foolish obsession with keeping up false appearances. Anything that is not true to what your higher soul wants will debilitate and ultimately destroy you, and if three Tarot consultations with me can’t persuade you to change course, I’m not sure I should offer you a fourth reading if you ask.
Dear you, you’re a mess.
And so long as you insist that everything’s okay, no one, not even God or the Archangels, can help you.
* * *
We’ve known each other for about six years now. When we first met, you were an undergraduate at a prestigious local university. You were slim – very slim. You also ate a lot, and disappeared into the bathroom several times during our meals together. It didn’t take a psychic to figure out what was going on.
In the face of overwhelming pressure – your parents were fighting incessantly, your brother was suicidal, your studies were stressful – an eating disorder became your way of taking control over your life. I empathised with your struggles, but you would smile and say, “Everything’s okay”. So I made you promise me to keep in touch and tell me if ever the day arrived that something was not okay.
I did not expect that early-morning call three years ago. You were screaming Oh my god Kelly, oh my god in between sobs and wordless, long-drawn wails. You had found your brother’s body in the bathroom when you entered to purge your meal. That early morning, his suffering had ended by his hand; yours had just begun.
You plunged into a clinical depression. Your bulimia morphed into anorexia – you simply stopped eating, and lived on one cup of coffee a day (black, no sugar). Your parents divorced. You kept thinking of taking your life. You knew you were on the verge of destruction.
Thank you for keeping your promise to tell me that everything was not okay.
You took a break from university for one semester to focus on your healing. You spent months crying yourself half-blind every day, crying so much you were sick of crying. You put aside your pride, your false sense of self-sufficiency. You spoke with therapists, went for reiki healing sessions, and found solace in religion.
Life broke you then. But Life has always loved you, and Spirit has never forsaken you.
Look at you now. The dark night of your soul is almost over. Your eating disorder still returns sometimes, but that beast lost its death grip over you a long time ago. Your parents have moved on and re-married other people, giving you the peace you never had when they were unhappily together. You miss your brother, but we connected with him during our mediumship consultation two months back, and now he’s watching over you with love from the realm of Light.
Best of all: congratulations on your recent graduation. I’m honoured to call you Doctor from now on. You chose to face your inner demons and your grief by specialising in psychiatry, dedicating your life to heal tormented souls and unquiet minds.
In the midst of your suffering, you dropped the lie that Everything is okay and, in losing that mask, you found your true self. You could have created more lies to protect yourself from the truth, or denied that you had any problems. Instead, you chose to acknowledge your darkness, to stand and fight, to co-create a destiny where you could find true happiness.
Dear you… well done, good and faithful soul.
I believe with all my heart that your life is only going to get better. There will be challenging times; but God loves you, the Universe is kind, and Spirit is cheering you on every step of the way.
And I just know that everything is going to be okay.
* * * * *
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The stories on this website (including the above recount) are based on Kelly’s personal and professional experiences as a lightworker. Some details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved.